African Vanielje on Sep 02 2007 at 6:59 pm | Filed under: Uncategorized
I come from a large matriarchal family, and by that I do not mean that all the women are plus size. Actually, you’d be hard pressed to find a woman in my family over 5′3″. Except me, I’m the giant. When I say large I mean my grandmother was one of 5 sisters and all had daughters, who all had daughters etc. Any intimate family gathering doesn’t take long to top about 80 people. Consequently, family birthday parties are always just that, family. I can never remember discussions on who to invite to my birthday parties. It was an unwritten rule that all ‘the cousins’ who were in the same city at the time got invited. After that, well there just wasn’t any room for after that.
No one from school got a look in, except for one year when I invited my entire junior school class without telling my mother until 2 days before. She must have been phased by that. Anyone would be. But she didn’t show it, and the prospect of having to feed and entertain 30+ 9-year olds for an entire Saturday afternoon, never even made her blink. Not even when I announced on Saturday morning that it was fancy dress and we needed a prize. I don’t remember who won the prize but I do remember a very happy afternoon running around dressed in some of my dad’s jeans with braces, his converse trainers (yes, they are now doing a fashion re-run) and two pillows stuffed down the front of one of his shirts, making it the weirdest clown impersonation ever.
Party entertainment amounted to 30 – some kids playing tag, and as it was 30 – something *C, the person who was on was allowed to tag with the water from our hosepipe. Loads of juice, some sandwiches and ice cream and a chocolate birthday cake later, that was it done. Party over, 30 damp and drying kids went home happy, no party bags, maybe a balloon or a piece of birthday cake wrapped up in a napkin. Nobody whinged, nobody cried, everybody was happy.
Not so birthday parties today. We have been to disco parties, paintball parties, gymnastic parties, ice skating parties…the pressure is always on to do bigger and better. And woe-betide the poor uncool kid who actually enjoys the party. Whatever next? And it’s not just the kids. The mommies all have to outdo each other with the entertainment and the party bags. Or worse, monologue about how unnecessary a party bag is and what witty and unconventional alternatives they have provided, as happened to a friend of mine recently.
A few days before her daughter’s ninth birthday she bumped into a mommy at the supermarket and told her they were shopping for a birthday party. Big mistake. There followed a 30 minute lecture which ended, fortunately, just before my friend lost the will to live, but unfortunately not before it kindled in her a Pavlovian response. Well honestly, what did this mommy think? Any sane woman’s reaction to someone telling them at length that they are bringing up their children all wrong would naturally be to rebel. Bring it on!
Enter the Best-Party-Bag-in-the-World-EVER! And no, that’s not from a parents point of view. Filled to the brim with pink sticky sweets, jelly beans, liquorice, ‘god’-stoppers (as my neighbours little boy called them), and anything else guaranteed to send your children hyper and rot your teeth in 30 seconds flat. Not a witty alternative in sight. Brilliant. The kids loved it. And funnily enough, they loved the rest of the party too. No games, no prizes, no entertainers, (as decreed by little miss birthday) just a quick dip in an icy pool, some crisps and some pink wafer biscuits. A run around the garden, and a row on the lake, followed by some build your own barbecued burgers where they all opted for no lettuce, tomato or anything that looked too healthy. Then it was time for the cake, which the birthday girl had made and decorated herself. Isn’t it fabulous? A few meringue nests each with fresh double cream and raspberries picked from the garden (made by my neighbour – I ate 3, okay 4), and it was home time. ‘Wow’ I heard over and over again. ‘That was such a cool party, thank you!’
Okay, it helps when you have such a beautiful place to live, but still, how refreshing it all was. And how easily pleased the children actually were. They don’t really need a lot to be happy, and a once a year pink sweet binge never killed anyone. Considering how well they all ate the following day, the kids knew when enough was enough as well. I think perhaps there is a lesson here for us. An entertainer does not a party make. A well stocked party bag, and listening to your children is all it really takes…happy birthday, and many, many more
I agree. Birthdays are ridiculous. One of the best birthdays my kids have had was my oldest daughters9th or 10th…I wasn’t feeling well so I had them make their own party. I made cupcakes and frosting, brought out sprinkles and decorations and let them craft their own cupcake concoction..and make decorations to decorate the house with..They loved it..and it kept them busy for a solid afternoon.
We do paintball birthdays but the kids have created a paintball course at the back of the property.
We do home-made birthdays too and we are also lucky enough to have space to run around and play without having to organise too much.
The kids help decorate the birthday cake with Smarties, I work out clues for a treasure hunt and the treasure, which is usually chocolate coins plus some polished stones or a paper flower is the party pack.
It’s funny that there is such a rebound that a bag of sweets is actually the coolest party pack – must be a lot of ultra pc mothers in your neck of the woods!
What a wonderful, relaxed-sounding birthday. I particularly admire the cake – it is a beauty. Happy Birthday to the young lady in question.
We also do low-key birthdays, as that is the way in Germany. The kids here don’t even change for a party, but come in their slightly grubby kindergarten gear. We do organise party games but only because we have winter birthdays so we are always inside, and my tolerance for ten kids tearing up my house is low.
Happy Birthday to your little girl who’s not so little anymore!!!
What a cake, and what a fantastic party; sounds like she’ll remember this one forever
when we were young the birthday parties were simple and fun. home made cakes, and goodies, and food and company were the most impoortant part. now when we get caterings for birthday parties for a FIVE year old, I do get shocked. Today it is about competing with fellow parents, and really it is more for adults rather than kids.
Even a bunch of kids come into the restaurant, ( and we are very expensive for 12 year olds or even 16 year olds for that matter) and then Mommy comes and pays the bill with her credit card.. I don’t understand it honestly
A shame actually
BTW happy birthday to the young ladies.. I like Virgoes
Marye, your parties sound great. and there’s nothing wrong with paintball, or anything special really. Birthdays are the most special day of the year in our house. I’m just musing on how far parties are these days from what the kids actually want. Or the kids are so stressed and pressured they can’t enjoy it. So nice to know that there are some people out there not bowing to peer pressure and still doing it their way,
Kit, that’s hit the nail on the head ‘home made birthdays’. What a great way to think about it. I have to confess I’ve done a couple of not witty but Waldorf-y alternatives myself. So has my friend. But a self righteous diatribe to her was like waving a red reag to a bull. Your parties sound like just what we grew up with, and I can’t remember one I didn’t enjoy.
Charlotte, I agree wtih you. We all have to adapt and improvise. As I’m not the best housekeeper in the world I wouldn’t have a high tolerance for 10 kids tearing up my feeble efforts either. P>S> There’s nothing as reassuring as a grubby kindergartner. Means they’ve had a good day.
Sognatrice – it’s become something of a tradition for the girls around here to design and make their own cakes. Every year they need less and less help, and the results are always fabulous. She did have a good day, thanks.
Ritu, sometimes I can see the appeal of having a party catered, so that you don’t have to worry and can just have fun. But I agree, it seems that this is not the reason at all, but rather a little playground one-upmanship. How sad. It’s supposed to be a celebration of a young life. What are we teaching them.
To all of you lovely bloggers, thanks for your input. It seems that most of us agree that parties should be about the kids and not the adults. I’d just like to add that themed parties, or special parties are fabulous, I love them, as long as it’s what the kids want to do and not the parents. But I guess I’m preaching to the converted here…
Saw your post on the DB site and came to say hello. I don’t think you’re preaching to the converted. Maybe it’s something about being a blogger that goes hand in hand with similar points of view. What a cool party and how lucky they have that amazing place to have it in.
I’m all for my children eating healthy but a birthday is a birthday, just like Christmas morning you should be allowed to eat all the chocolate in your stocking before breakfast…. I always did as a child!
Oh Amanda, I so agree. Moderation in (almost) all things, that’s my motto. We always used to get a few (very expensive because they were imported) german chocolates in our stockings, as well as some nuts which St Nick (read my mom)had polished, and the requisite big juicy orange, dusted with a little gold leaf. My mom wouldn’t have dreamed of making us wait to eat them